Divorce is painful and in many cases can be made less so if you and your spouse agree to mediate the issues arising from your divorce, and perhaps file an uncontested divorce. But when is divorce mediation not appropriate?
The divorce lawyers at Schwartz, Fox & Saltzman explain the circumstances which preclude divorce mediation for most couples in this comprehensive article. Divorce mediation may not be appropriate in the following cases:
- When One Spouse Won’t Reveal Their Assets
- When One Spouse Is A Bully
- When You Aren’t Communicating
- When One Spouse Doesn’t Want The Divorce
- When You Have Secrets That Impact Your Case
- When You Don’t Need Help Negotiating Assets For Your Divorce
- When You Want The Other Spouse To Lose
If you are considering divorce mediation or have other questions about your divorce, call Schwartz, Fox & Saltzman. We have helped Philadelphia area families with divorce for over forty-five years. We can help your family, too.
Questions to Ask Before Choosing Divorce Mediation
Do You Both Want a Divorce?
If the divorce is nonconsensual, meaning one of you does not want to divorce, and this will lead to a party being unable to effectively discuss issues in divorce, chances are divorce mediation will not be effective for you. Divorce mediation is for couples who agree they must divorce and who want help crafting child custody arrangements, support, and property distribution. Divorce mediation is not for couples who are still struggling with the issues leading to one of them wanting a divorce.
Do You Know What Your Assets and Debts Are?
Having a clear picture of your marital financial situation and being able to discuss it is essential for success in divorce mediation. If only one of you handles the finances and is reluctant or refuses to disclose your financial situation to the other, divorce mediation will not work.
Are You Able to Communicate?
Understandably, those in the throes of divorce may still feel emotional about the issues that led to their divorce. If you are able to put those issues aside in favor of collaborating to make the divorce process go as smoothly as possible, divorce mediation may help you.
Another benefit to putting your emotions aside and communicating with your spouse is you craft solutions to child custody, support, and property distribution yourselves rather than letting a judge decide.
Are You Both Able to Be Flexible?
Divorce mediation is a collaborative process. Every family has their unique needs and requirements, and only you and your spouse fully understand what those are. If you are open to the guidance of your divorce mediator, you and your spouse craft solutions to the issues arising from your divorce that neither of you would have been able to come up with on your own. However, if you are not open to compromise, divorce mediation will not work for you.
7 Instances When Divorce Mediation is Not Appropriate
1. When One Spouse Won’t Reveal Their Assets
If one of you is hiding marital assets or wasting marital assets, divorce mediation will not work. Divorce mediation requires openness and trust.
2. When One Spouse Is a Bully
There are marriages where there is an imbalance of power. In these situations, divorce mediation can rarely work, even with the help and guidance of a skilled divorce mediator.
If There Is a History of Domestic Violence
A victim of domestic violence may be further traumatized by having to sit across the table from their abuser in divorce mediation.
If You Aren’t Able to Advocate for Yourself
If you have been bullied or abused by your spouse, you may not have the ability to speak up for yourself and what you need from your divorce. In these circumstances, you may want a divorce lawyer to advocate for you.
3. When You Aren’t Communicating
If you and your spouse are simply not speaking with one another, there is no reason to believe you will be able to communicate during divorce mediation. Divorce mediation requires both spouses to engage and collaborate on solutions for their family, and some couples are too angry or resentful to commit to that process.
4. When One Spouse Doesn’t Want to Divorce
If you want a divorce but your spouse does not, there are marital issues to work out before you can get to the issues arising from divorce. Divorce mediation is not couples therapy.
5. When You Have Secrets That Impact Your Case
If one of you has a secret that might impact child custody, support, or property distribution, and you are not willing to disclose that secret, divorce mediation is not for you. These types of secrets may include family money, a child from another union, substance abuse or addiction, and serious illness, among others. Divorce mediation requires full disclosure by both spouses to be effective.
6. When You Don’t Need Help Negotiating Assets for Your Divorce
If you both work, you do not have children, and you have few marital assets, you may not need to engage in divorce mediation. You may just need an attorney to put your agreement in writing.
Couples having no issues or disagreements arising from their divorce are rare, however. Divorce mediation helps with every type of disagreement, from who pays the joint credit card to who keeps the family cat.
7. When You Want the Other Spouse to Lose
Last, and most unfortunate, is when one spouse is so angry or resentful that they do not want the other to get anything they want out of the divorce. The angry spouse has no flexibility and fights tooth and nail during divorce mediation rather than collaborate. Unless the divorce mediator can convince the angry spouse of the benefits of divorce mediation for them and their entire family, divorce mediation will not work under these circumstances.
Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce Mediation
What are the disadvantages of divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation can be ineffective if:
- There is an imbalance of power or lack of trust between spouses
- One spouse is unwilling to disclose important financial or personal information
- Unresolved emotional conflict prevents productive negotiations
Mediation also does not provide legal advice or representation, which can leave one party at a disadvantage if they are not fully informed about their rights.
When should you not use mediation?
You should not use divorce mediation if:
- There is a history of domestic violence or intimidation between you and your spouse
- Your spouse refuses to disclose assets or financial information
Mediation requires both parties to communicate openly and in good faith, which isn’t possible if one person is unwilling to participate. In these situations, litigation may be necessary to ensure a fair outcome.
What not to say in divorce mediation?
Avoid making threats, giving ultimatums, or rehashing past emotional grievances during mediation. Focus on resolving the practical issues of divorce, such as custody, support, and division of property, not assigning blame.
Why would someone avoid mediation?
Some people avoid mediation because they fear they won’t be able to advocate for themselves, especially if their spouse has historically been controlling or manipulative. Others may believe that mediation won’t protect their legal rights or financial interests as effectively as litigation.
Can I refuse mediation of a divorce?
Yes, you can refuse mediation in a divorce, especially if you believe the process would be unfair or unproductive. Courts generally cannot force unwilling parties to mediate, particularly when there are valid concerns such as domestic abuse, coercion, or concealment of assets.
Speak With a Divorce Lawyer At Schwartz, Fox & Saltzman Today
Whether you are considering divorce mediation or not, the Philadelphia divorce lawyers at Schwartz, Fox & Saltzman can help you get the best result for your family. Call us today to discuss your case.